Showing posts with label stay the fuck off my television. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stay the fuck off my television. Show all posts

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I Agree





This Commercial Needs to Die. And I thought I was the only one!

Save us from 'Saved by Zero,' TV watchers complain

NEW YORK (AP) — Any car shoppers left in this brutal market are sure to cheer Toyota's decision to extend zero-percent financing for another month. But another decision may have them hitting the mute button: The automaker will keep airing a television ad for the deal that has sparked some serious ire among TV viewers.

Maybe it's the giant floating red zero in the middle of the screen. Maybe it's the way, one by one, the 11 vehicles included in the incentive zoom into the foreground. Surely, the cheery, twangy "Saved by Zero" jingle has something to do with it, along with the way Toyota Motor Corp. has saturated prime-time sporting events with the 30-second spot.

Whatever it is, Facebook groups, bloggers and other TV watchers have risen up against the Japanese automaker's ad with gleeful rage.

"It's pretty much unanimous that everyone I've talked with thinks it's very annoying," said Colin Anderson, a 19-year-old freshman at the State University of New York at Binghamton. He created the Facebook group "Stop Playing Toyota's 'Saved by Zero' Commercial" after first seeing it a week and a half ago. The group has since swelled to more than 1,200 members and is growing.

Anderson said the ad alone isn't what irritates him — it's the way it dominates the commercial breaks during sporting events. During Monday night's NFL game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Washington Redskins, Anderson counted five or six airings during the first half.

"We changed the channel," he said. "We couldn't watch it."

Others put it even more bluntly. The auto blog Jalopnik.com called the ad "wrist-slitting" in a recent post. And Peter Schrager of Esquire magazine's football blog recently wrote that the ad "has penetrated the nation's consciousness in a way political candidates only dream of."

The zero-percent financing incentive was set to expire this week, but Toyota said Monday it would extend the deal for another month after the company's October U.S. sales fell 23 percent from a year earlier.

And "Saved by Zero" will keep adding to viewers' misery.

The ads will continue airing nationally through Sunday, Toyota marketing spokesman Joe Tetherow said. After that, dealers will have the option to continue airing the ads on a local level.

Tetherow said the campaign has been a hit with dealers, and whatever the reaction from the public, it has been effective in getting the program's message across. Toyota is even extending the incentive to a 12th vehicle, the subcompact Yaris, he said.

"I think the fact that it's being talked about is good, because the message is out there," Tetherow said. "The dealers like the program, and customers do too."

Tetherow didn't know how much negative feedback the company has received, and he declined to say how much the ad campaign cost. According to the media agency TargetCast tcm, however, a season's worth of advertising on ESPN's Monday Night Football alone likely would have cost Toyota $8 million to $10 million.

Sam Craig, a marketing professor at New York University's Stern School of Business, called the ad's jingle "haunting." (It's a cover of a 1983 song by the rock group "The Fixx.") But he said the ad may be reaching a point known in industry lingo as "wear out," when an ad campaign so inundates the target market that it begins to backfire.

"The danger of running the same basic ad over and over again is that as soon as people recognize that, they tune it out," he said.

Whatever the ad's impact on viewers, the ire it has provoked seems contained to Internet carping. Anderson admits his campaign against "Saved by Zero" has been fairly limited despite its online following. He hasn't even written to Toyota to complain, he said.

"Zero-percent financing — that sounds pretty good to me," he said. "The commercial, I think, is just poorly done."

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I'll let Wikipedia Handle This


So, there's talk of the Cubs getting their own TV station ala the Yankees' YES Network. While most people would say that you just can't get as much programming outside of the baseball game (like you can with the tradition and pride of the Yankees), I have to disagree.

First, the Cubs have a LONG-STANDING tradition. Can you guess what it is? Here - I've bolded the important parts from the Cubs wikipedia table of contents:
Oh, you can bet that they have this tradition thing down pat.

Here's a sample of Monday programming on the new Cubs network, CURSE TV:

3:00 - Blame It On Bartman. Premise: Callers report incidents of misfortune that have happened in their life, and the events are somehow blamed on Cubs fan Steve Bartman.

4:00 - Goat Hunting. Premise: Join lunatic Cubs fans as they break into farmers' yards to kill as many goats as possible, hoping that each one will bring them one step closer to "breaking the curse."

5:00 - Blow Random Shit Up And Hope For The Best. Premise: Take random Cubs memoribilia from a tragic season (any item will do) and make a big fuss about blowing it up in a bar. This week: Jack Brickhouse's femur.

6:00 - Cubbie Boo. Premise: Game show where contestants are shown videos of old Cubs games, and must boo in timing with the video. The winner is the contestant that boos loudest. Notable clips include a pitchout attempt, not throwing back a homerun ball, and a coaching visit to the mound.

7:00 - Cubs Game. Premise: Watch the "loveable losers" play a game of "baseball." Highlights include hot drunk chick, 7th inning stretch, and panning to other hot drunk chick.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Memo to Brett: Fuck Off

If you give him money, he'll just come back for more.

Look, Brett, nothing personal, but stay the fuck away from the Bears. We remember the "good old days," the "I'm going to bend the Bears over and anally sodomize them" days, and that was all well and good while it lasted. You routinely violated us, got a superbowl title out of the deal, and generally made us hate football season two weeks a year.

Even with your text-messaging prowess and ability to make Aaron Rodgers contemplate suicide every July, you're just not the same QB anymore. The Packers have moved on (obviously), and now you're like that old grandpa who talks about the "good ole days" back when the Packers used to win superbowls and a nickel could get you a sandwich and a ride on the trolley. Much like grandpa, everyone is waiting for you to die so you'll just go away. They're not going to give you your release, because they spent all that money on putting you into the old folks home. They're not going to start you because your bones makes noises akin to Rice Krispies at each snap.

And then there's this business about Favre going to the Vikings or Bears.

First of all, no, we don't want you. Go away. Do we need a quarterback? Sure. Is it going to be you? Not a chance in hell. You'd get booed worse than when Ron Santo played for the White Sox (It really happened), and you'd probably find a way to sabotage our team worse than our current QB situation. More importantly, we already have Favre Jr. in Grossman - why should we pay more to add to your HoF INT totals when we can start building his?

"Rex do good"?

This is your big chance Brett - don't go to the Panthers or Vikings, and stay away from Chicago. Just retire! You could be on everyone's good side in Green Bay, get something named after you (Somehow the "Brett Favre Boat Rides" sounds much better than "Wendella Boat Rides"), and occasionally provide meaningless sports commentary like Cris Carter does for ESPN. Why are you making this so difficult!? I was hoping that you would stay a Packer forever...kinda like what Jeremy Bentham did for UCL.

Put me in coach - I'm ready to play!

So please, Brett, go away. We don't like you, we don't want you, and there's a seat with your name on it at a bingo table somewhere.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

What The Hell Happened To: Cade McNown

And this is the most exciting shot of Cade on the web, too

What is it with Bears QBs, the number 8, and the ability to completely dismantle an offense at will?

"Hollywood" Cade McNown graced our fair town in 1999 -- we used the 12th pick of the draft to acquire this cocksucker, passing up on future Pro Bowlers Damien Woody and Jevon Kearse. Cade seemed like a good fit for the organization -- he had a history of being a selfish douchebag, and had no accuracy whatsoever. If there was a QB to lead us into the dark ages after Erik Kramer, McNown was our man. Not only that, but he and current Bears hero Brendon Ayanbadejo actually got busted for having an illegal handicapped parking pass at UCLA, along with allegations of point shaving. Nice.

Well, we all know what happened with McNown -- he took over after Shane Matthews and Jim Miller managed to cripple themselves, and proudly drove our team into the ground with a 1-6 start. He finished that season 1-7 and managed to get benched for his last start. McNown got traded to the Dolphins in '01, and we gladly moved into the Jim Miller era.

What the hell happened to "Hollywood" Cade McNown?

Cade's actually got some interesting dirt. Apparently, he and Tim Couch got into a "who can be a bigger waste of sperm" match over 1999 playmate of the year Heather Kozar. Kozar was dating Couch, but McNown was not about to be outdone -- he bought her a Porsche so that she would sleep with him. Needless to say, Kozar and McNown dated for a while, but McNown was no 1st overall pick -- she went back to Couch not much later.

Dejected, and still willing to wreak havoc on the NFL world, McNown's productivity as Miami's 3rd string QB suffered (how can you fuck up being the 3rd string QB!?), and he was traded to the 49ers for a 7th round pick in '02. He had a good shot at being Tim Rattay's personal footrest, but he managed to get placed on the IR in the preseason with a season-ending injury.

Using his newfound free time, Cade moved on to acting. He appeared in the 2002's "Outta Time," a movie so low-budget that its biggest name actor was George Lopez -- before he got his own TV show. McNown played the role of "Policeman," and if he fired a gun in the movie, I'm sure he managed to miss whatever he was aiming at.

Cade took one last shot at a sports career in 2003, after he was released by the 49ers. The CFL's Calgary Stampeders acquired his rights, but never completed a contract. Cade has since taken his injury-prone body, had some plastic surgery, acquired his old number, and rejoined the Bears under the alias of Rex Grossman -- a clever anagram that decodes to describe his career ("Mom's Sex Rag").

Monday, December 10, 2007

Leave My Sports Alone, You Bastards!


I just want to watch the game.

Most of us were just enjoying the Bears game (if you can call watching them enjoyment), or any other NFL game without a problem. There are guys hitting eachother, beer is consumed, and I feel in touch with myself (not quite tooting my own horn the way Keggers does, but you get the idea).

And then it happens -- Why the hell are there jewelry commercials in the middle of my football game?

I was just starting to enjoy myself with the game, and now I have to feel guilty that I gave my wife a mop for our anniversary or that I sent my girlfriend to have a “girls’ day out” at Walgreens. I’m male. I don’t happen to buy jewelry just because it’s Sunday. The last time I bought her jewelry was one of those Hulk Hogan thumb wrestlers, and I don’t even know if she even appreciated them as much as I did. Well gee-whiz, I should go and buy some jewelry to make up for it, right?

Last time I checked, I believe I tuned into the game to watch gigantic freaks attempt to kill each other without remorse. Occasionally, I expect to see a commercial for a truck so large that it could tow the fat directly out of my body, and that’s fine. But diamonds? Those don’t compensate for sexual inadequacy! I’d understand if it were maybe once a game, but it’s almost every goddamned commercial break

There’s this commercial where some guy gets pegged with snowballs by his wife and then pulls out a bag with the Kay Jewelry and she stops hitting him. This is supposed to make me want to buy some diamonds? For hitting me with snowballs, you're lucky I let you out of the cellar.