Monday, December 10, 2007

Leave My Sports Alone, You Bastards!

I just want to watch the game.

Most of us were just enjoying the Bears game (if you can call watching them enjoyment), or any other NFL game without a problem. There are guys hitting eachother, beer is consumed, and I feel in touch with myself (not quite tooting my own horn the way Keggers does, but you get the idea).

And then it happens -- Why the hell are there jewelry commercials in the middle of my football game?

I was just starting to enjoy myself with the game, and now I have to feel guilty that I gave my wife a mop for our anniversary or that I sent my girlfriend to have a “girls’ day out” at Walgreens. I’m male. I don’t happen to buy jewelry just because it’s Sunday. The last time I bought her jewelry was one of those Hulk Hogan thumb wrestlers, and I don’t even know if she even appreciated them as much as I did. Well gee-whiz, I should go and buy some jewelry to make up for it, right?

Last time I checked, I believe I tuned into the game to watch gigantic freaks attempt to kill each other without remorse. Occasionally, I expect to see a commercial for a truck so large that it could tow the fat directly out of my body, and that’s fine. But diamonds? Those don’t compensate for sexual inadequacy! I’d understand if it were maybe once a game, but it’s almost every goddamned commercial break

There’s this commercial where some guy gets pegged with snowballs by his wife and then pulls out a bag with the Kay Jewelry and she stops hitting him. This is supposed to make me want to buy some diamonds? For hitting me with snowballs, you're lucky I let you out of the cellar.


Keggers said...

Your last 2 paragraphs are absolutely hysterical.

Brad said...

extra points for the "every kiss begins with gay" tag