Thursday, December 20, 2007

What The Hell Happened To: Jack Haley

"I'm doing something! I'm really doing something!"

Where would the championship bulls run of 1996 be without Jack Haley, AKA Rodman's babysitter? The guy was a CRITICAL player for the squad, as he played in exactly one game the entire season with the Bulls. Not only was it a regular season blowout game, but he scored exactly ONE point after MJ had already put up 50.

Quote Haley: ""One day I'll be able to tell my grandchildren that Michael Jordan and I scored 51 points together."

Classy. I like this guy.

After the 95-96 season, though, Haley's career took a wild spin. Rodman was trying to marry himself in Europe, meaning that Haley had no purpose on the team. He was subsequently released.

So what the hell happened to Jack Haley?

After the '96 season, he did what any person trained to be another face on the team would do - he became an extra in film. Haley had done a little acting in a little known 70's TV series called "Rolling Man," and used his serious street cred of playing "Clifford McAfee" to get his new career jumpstarted. His first big gig was appearing in Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator" music video as "uncredited shocked passerby #16." Haley became good friends with the band, and it is rumored that Haley and Tyler once snorted the deteriorating knee cartilage of Bill Cartwright.

Using his other unique talent -- watching black people perform -- Haley starred in such blockbusters as "Rebound" (the Martin Lawerence movie), "Eddie" (the Whoopi Goldberg basketball movie) and two separate Jordan biographies that all tested his acting chops with the demanding role of playing himself.

Finally, Haley joined the Fox network as a broadcasting assistant in 2000 and has been there ever since. He has been seen licking the testicles of the Jordan Statue outside the United Center at every home game, and muttering nonsensical phrases like "take me back, baby. I'm so sorry."

1 comment:

Mark said...

Nice blog. Thanks for telling me about it -- oh wait, you didn't. Assholes. You're all adopted.