Monday, December 31, 2007

My view from the Hole

(Is this Ron Turner's "oh my god I just shit my pants" look, or is it his"oh my god I just called a run up the middle on 3rd and 9" look?)

As this to season to forget finished yesterday I kept asking myself these questions. Why does Ron Turner suck so much, why for the love of god did he wait until the last game to "open up the playbook" and why oh why is Devin Hester not more involved in the offense?

In order to get the answers to my questions, I went back to the only source that gives me reliable information: the glory hole. Thats right folks, you want your questions answered properly, sometimes you got to "man the hole" (that's what people in the biz call it).

After several stints (much to my chagrin) the hole yielded nothing, there is no fucking method to his madness and absolutely no logical reason why Hester is not more involved. Ron Turner is a total dousbag and he's gotta go if we are going to compete next season.

We have to have a legitimate offense because our defense is no longer what is once was (especially if Lance Briggs leaves town). Now more than ever we need somebody who knows offense and can run a team WITH OUR PERSONNEL. We have weapons and if we just used utilized Hester, it would open up the field for other people to step up. I mean Jesus fucking Christ you dont have to be a rocket scientist, you just have to have played Madden a couple of times to know that you run Hester deep to draw the safety and have Olsen or Moose cut underneath.

Seriously. I'd rather have PS3 Madden call the plays from the booth rather than Turner with his stupid, shit eating, dumbfounded face.

Dare I say it but he might be worse than Jon Shoop...


Gepetto said...

Well, with the Billick firing, maybe the Bears will feel some pressure to make a move.

And dear lord, never let us speak of Shoop again.

Henry said...

Happy Birthday Keggman! Can't wait for another year of Luol's Dong