In honor of the ascendance of my favorite QB of all time, I have put together a short montage of Orton highlights:
Here is Kyle, showing steady hands and great balance (note the 2 cups in his left hand). This is early in his drinking career (note the missing trademark neckbeard) but you have to respect the mess on his shirt (4 out of 10), showing he’s not shying away from getting a little messy if the situation calls for it. This also shows that he is a man that doesn’t drink, he chugs. I respect that.
In this snapshot, we see Kyle sporting the infamous neckbeard that made him a fashion icon a few years ago. That beard is absolutely spectacular- pubic, yet luscious. He’s batting about .750 here with his “fake homo” dance pulling 3 hotties on 4 sides- the chick in front of him just can’t get enough grade A Orton beef. He’s also getting really into the music (look at his face!) which shows how sensitive he can be… I imagine that’s where he gets such a soft touch on his screen passes despite his rocket arm. Also note the massive bottle of Crystal he got for HIMSELF. With Kyle, it’s go big or go home.
Shirt mess= 8/10. That chick= 10/10. I also think that might be Mike Piazza on his left but nobody seems to give shit when The Neckbeard is in the room.
This one basically speaks for itself. We can assume the shirt mess was 10/10, hence it’s omission altogether.
P.S. I just read this quote from Lovie on chicagobears.com:
“We have the Vikings up this week and I really can’t look any further than that,” Smith said. “Again, I do like what [Orton] could possibly bring. We had the chance to work him with the look squad all along. He’s been going against our defense all year. I’m excited about that. But we’re not looking any further than this game.”
This HAS to be the most non-committal, pathetic endorsement I have ever read from a head coach. I like what he could POSSIBLY bring? He’s been going against OUR DEFENSE (30th in the league) all year? We’re not looking ANY FURTHER THAN THIS GAME??? Jesus, give the kid a break! Brutal! I can’t wait for Monday… DA DA DUH DUH, DUM DUM, DUM DUM…