Are you fucking kidding me?

This is from the reputable folks at Scouts, Inc:

14. Chicago Bears -- Rashard Mendenhall, RB, IllinoisRecord: 7-9 Needs: QB, OL, RB, DT, SPrevious mock selection: Brian Brohm, QB, LouisvilleOffensive tackle is certainly a possibility, especially with Clady, Williams and Otah all emerging as solid first-rounds prospects behind Jake Long. However, if Clady and Williams are off the board, don't be surprised if GM Jerry Angelo takes advantage of this year's talented crop of running backs by selecting either Mendenhall or Jonathan Stewart with this pick. Either would provide more explosiveness and versatility than the team has seen from current starter Cedric Benson.

I WAS JOKING!!!

Please don't do this! It was a joke! We don't REALLY want to draft another RB in the first round... please, have mercy, let this be a cruel prank. Oh my god, I am literally sick from reading this. I have diarrhea. Jesus christ this is terrible... Who wrote this stupid fucking article? Todd McShay, eh?

Well, FUCK YOU, you irish sack of shit! Don't you go jinxing our draft with your crazy predictions. Are you insane? Do you realize what drafting this kid would do to our team? The fucking LAST thing we need is ANTOHER OVERPAID RUNNING BACK! GARRRRR!!!! Fuck! Oh yeah, and this will do wonders for Cedric Bensons confidence. Wonders.

FUCK YOU TODD MCSHAY!

Christ, I think i'm bleeding out of my anus. I had better call TPC and reschedule for tonight...