Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Reasons to get excited: Spring Training Drinking Games

Herpes! YES!

Ok, I admit it. This portion of the sports world is fucking boring. There's Spring Training, Luol Deng's pussy report, and a whole lot of nothing. It's driving me batshit crazy but FEAR NOT - I come to you with good news! Here's a quick list drinking game to get you to opening day.

RULES: Drink shots/beers/meerkat urine as indicated when any of the following occur:

Ozzie Guillen swears (or otherwise has expletives deleted) in an interview: Drink.

Blackhawks sell out a game: Drink.

Bears are rumored to go after new over-the-hill free agent wide reciever: Drink - twice.

Luol Deng sits. Drink sitting down and rubbing leg.

Any time Gordon Beckham is rumored to be a starting 2B candidate: Drink and then slap yourself on the face.

Zambrano pumps his fist: Drink a very tiny amount and then pump your fist and go "YEAH!" afterwards.

Rich Harden pitches through pain. Drink entire bottle - you're obviously already drunk.

Spring Training game is aired on CSN. Drink and watch (which may incite additional drinking).

Jeff Marquez is compared to Nick Massett: Drink, then piss into a cup and drink that, too. Both LOOK right, but only one is human excrement.

In a report about the Cubs, someone mentions this being "the year" the curse is excised. Drink Entire Bottle of Whiskey, kill self.

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