Reassembling the 1990's Cleveland Indians

As you have no doubt heard, the White Sox have acquired Manny Ramirez. Normally this would be exciting because we are in the midst of a pennant race, but no, the REAL reason this is exciting is because it puts Reinsdorf one step closer to his ultimate goal:

Reassembling the 1990's Cleveland Indians.

Sure, that sound silly - putting together all the elements from a 15-year-old team? Well, it sounded silly until you thought about this:

Position - Player (Played for the Sox in...)
C - Sandy Alomar (2001-2004)
1B - Jim Thome (2006-2009)
2B - Roberto Alomar (2003-2004)
SS - Omar Vizquel (2010 - )
3B - Herbert Perry (2000-2001)
LF - Albert Belle (1997-1998)
CF - Kenny Lofton (2002)
RF - Manny Ramirez (2010 - )
DH - Wil Cordero (1998 )

That is flat-out frightening. Think about that - we have, at one point in time, held the ENTIRE STARTING LINEUP of Indians players from over 10 years ago. AND WE'RE STILL GOING!

Having completed his prized collection of offensive Indians, the race is on to populate the pitching staff. We got off to a good start with Bartolo Colon, Jaime Navarro and Jason Bere, but there's more to be had!

And now for a moment of optimism

See this guy? This man has pitched a perfect game, a no-hitter, and led us to a world series. He has been won of the most successful White Sox starters of all time. And for the ultimate indicator of how good the Sox pitching will be in 2010?

He will be our 5th starter next season.

That probably sounds completely insane to most of you, and you may be right. But when you think about it in terms of talent, performance, and youth, you wind up with a rotation that looks something like this for 2010:

#1. Peavy
#2. Floyd
#3. Jackson
#4. Danks
#5. Buerhle

You can't argue that Peavy is the ace - regardless of his health issues, he has a ginormous contract and he has proven himself in the past. If he comes back healthy, he is the staff ace. Floyd and Jackson have been downright filthy this year, with Jackson being yet another magic trick by Don Cooper. Danks got off to a great start this year, and still has the lowest starting ERA on the staff, but just hasn't been as dominant as Floyd and Jackson. And that leaves just one White Sox starter with the "high" ERA of 3.93 (!) this year as the odd man out.

Holy shit is our rotation going to be awesome next year.

In other news, our bullpen will be completely fucked as both Jenks and Putz will no longer be with the club. Oh well. A man can dream...

Furniture?

Let's talk about kitchen tables for a minute.

I know what you're thinking - "Hey, you guys are a sports blog! In Chicago! And you come back from a hiatus with THIS?!" Yes, you feel somewhat betrayed that despite not posting in weeks, the best I can do is come back to you with a discussion about kitchen tables.

What would you prefer I talk about? That Lou Pinella poisoned his own mother to get out of coaching the Cubs? That the Sox are currently in the midst of a tailspin? That Jay Cutler was voted the QB most likely to get injured due to the awful line and Martz system?

Yeah I didn't think so, so let's talk about kitchen tables instead.

Y'see, the good folks at CSN promotions were kind enough to allow a giveaway. A little "somethin somethin" if you get my drift. They do furniture. They want to give you a coupon for said furniture. As such, I propose a contest to determine who wins.

Send an email to our address (you shouldn't get past this part if you can't figure out how to email us) with which Chicago sports player you would like to eat for breakfast at the kitchen table and why.

Best entry will win. Good luck, and I already call dibs on eating Nancy Faust. She's high in roughage!

Stonewall Jackson

I may look intimidating, but the picture has rounded edges to show I have a sensitive side, too!

Well that was entertaining.

For those of you that don't quite understand what happened at the trading deadline, allow me to explain:

#1. Kenny Williams talked to Nationals GM Mike Rizzo about acquiring Adam Dunn last week. Rizzo explained that he wanted Quentin, Beckham, and prospects. Kenny kindly told him to fuck off.
#2. Kenny and Rizzo talk again earlier this week, with Kenny pitching a package involving Hudson and Tyler Flowers. Rizzo explains that he is interested only in a trade involving Edwin Jackson.
#3. On Thursday, Kenny talks to Rizzo about a possible deal where he would send Jackson, Christian Marrero, and a mid-level prospect for Dunn. Rizzo claims that if Kenny could get Jackson, he would do it.
#4. Kenny acquires Jackson.
#5. Rizzo asks for Jackson in addition to Quentin or Beckham.
#6. Kenny says "fuck you" and hangs up.

So, in short, we are now operating at a bit of a loss here, picking up Jackson on "good faith" and getting burned. Dunn remains on the Nationals and Fielder with the Brewers. Although there was some interesting talk of a Vicideo for Manny Ramirez trade, nothing else happened for us.

I couldn't be happier.

The Sox haven't had much luck with their self-hyped prospects. Pop quiz - where is Aaron Poreda or Royce Ring right now? Exactly. Jackson, although currently in the midst of a shitty season, has shown flashes of talent before with Tampa and with the Tigers. If Cooper can "fix" him (and Cooper believes that he can), you immediately add a proven starter to the rotation.

Sure, the money may suck (OK, the $8+ million is kind of insane for 2011), but if it helps us "win now" I don't see a reason to be upset. Jackson certainly helps our playoff push, and provides us with one hell of a 2011 rotation (read: no Freddy Garcia).

Here's hoping Cooper can bust out the Matt Thornton Magic Wand again.

Amar'e Stoudemire Loves Bagels, Has Hook Nose

OY!

Apparently, Amar'e Stoudemire is a Jew.

http://www.jewishjournal.com/thegodblog/item/amare_stoudemire_is_jewish_20100728/

After finding out that his mother is Jewish (dubious), NY's big ticket did what any other 20-something Jewish kid would do - he hopped on a plane and went to Israel to flip out.

You can keep up on his exploits via twitter (amareisreal) including recent gems such as:

-I'm the new Reggie White. (RIP) I'm going 2 Israel 2 study Hebrew. It's time 2 get a better

understanding on who we R. Follow me !! Shalom

-On the flight to Israel. This is going to be a great trip. The holy land. Learn about it. This ze ha'halom sheli. Shalom.

-Jerusalem is a beautiful city, I'm at a cafe eating a late lunch. I learning Hebrew by the min. Keep up !!

Whatever. This whole thing ranks pretty high on the ridiculously unlikely scale. I'm only posting it because of the slim possibility that he sits out the season because he wants to learn in yeshiva. Then the Knicks have to call the head Rabbi and beg him to let Amar'e (now Avraham) come home and not stay for shana bet. Basically, the Knicks suck.

-KEG

Invasion

Friends, brothers, countrymen - we are on the brink of war. Don't pretend like you haven't noticed it. This is a full-out SIEGE of the Dong. Every day we endure countless of attacks, lives and links hurled at us with the future of only an immediate death. They do not die with honor, nor do they waver from their suicide mission.

I am, of course, referring to the Chinese.

Yes, that's right, for every post we have on the dong, it is followed up by one of these "gems":

陳晏李秀樺雄 said...

這BLOG真是讓人意猶未盡!!

YOU'RE A FUCKING AUTOMATION! You don't watch sports! You don't even know what the hell a ZJ is (for the record, if you have to ask, you can't afford it). Well, I for one am tired of this shit. We need to hit them where it hurts, and hit them hard. We will make them remember the day that they crossed the Dong.

As of Thursday, from 1:00 PM to 1:02 PM, residents of China will not have access to the StarCraft II servers.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "two minutes?" Well, let me assure you - two minutes in "StarCraft" time is equivalent to 30 years of normal human life. It's kind of like a "dog years" sort of thing. Don't believe me? Look at this and then tell me I'm fucking around.

Oh you bastards will rue the day you crossed us. When the news comes out of the mass suicides across China, just remember it was because you couldn't leave a normal comment about Keggers wanting to sexually violate Thomas Jones.

Why Does Everyone Hate Jim Hendry?

We will march on Washington! We will have hamburgers in the dugout!

Look - I hate the Cubs as much as the next guy, but any Cub fan fighting for the removal of Jim Hendry is an absolute moron. Yes, the Cubs are terrible. Yes, the Cubs haven't won anything since the silent film era. I understand that it's tough and that someone is to blame, but you don't blame Jim Hendry.

Let's take a look at all the "horrible" things that Hendry has done for you over the years, shall we?

2002 - Hendry deals Dontrelle Willis and Julian Tavarez for Matt Clement and Antonio Alfonseca

As we know, Willis went on to have a few really good seasons for Florida, and has since become a colossal bust. Tavarez had a good year for the Pirates and one for Boston, but otherwise failed to live up to expectations (not to mention getting knocked around more than Rihanna).

On the Cubs end dumping the psychotic Tavarez proved to be a bit of "addition by subtraction", Clement had three great years for the Cubs (cumulative 3.80 ERA, and over 170 Ks every year), and is best known for being the guy that the 2005 White Sox annihilated on the way to steamrolling the Red Sox. Alfonseca had two sub-par years for the Cubs and became a pariah. Not really Hendry's fault though, as Alfonseca had a solid track record over the past 4 seasons when the Cubs acquired him.

Result: Push

2002 - Cubs deal Todd Hundley for Grudzielanek and Eric Karros

To put this simply, Hendry absolutely raped the Dodgers here. Hundley, a piece of shit with a lousy contract, gets dealt for two cornerstones of the 2003 team. Hundley never topped a .211 batting average in two years with the Cubs, and was out of baseball in 2005 after an even shittier year with the Dodgers. Grudz put together two years with a BA over .300 with Karros hitting .286 and both providing a damn solid infield.

Result: Big win for Hendry


2002 - Cubs sign Dusty Baker

Some people would view this as a failure by Hendry. Look at what actually happened here - Hendry managed to get the manager of a team that lost the World Series by ONE GAME to come to Chicago and manage a team that hadn't done shit. Baker follows through by taking the Cubs as close as they have been in several decades with a nice run in 2003. Unfortunately, due to mismanagement, Mark Prior and Kerry Wood become the all-time wins leaders in simulated games over the next few years.

Result: Baker did everything he was supposed to - not Hendry's fault the guy eats youth for breakfast. Push.

2003 - Cubs trade Jose Hernandez and Bobby Hill for Aramis Ramirez and Kenny Lofton

Not one to roll over and die, Hendry makes a move after Corey Patterson gets hurt to keep the team rolling. Not only did Hill never top a .270 BA in his career (in addition to getting hurt shortly after the trade), but he was out of baseball two years later. Hernandez had a solid year in 2004, but was also out of baseball two years afterwards, ending a very long career. Lofton hit .327 for the Cubs that year in addition to providing stellar defense and a threat to steal bases. 50 games were never better. Oh, and that Ramirez guy? He's only been the best hitter on the team for the last 6 years. Not bad for a flier.

Result: Hendry's move keeps the Cubs alive, pays huge dividends later. Big win for Hendry.

2oo4 - Cubs get Derrek Lee and Michael Barrett for Hee Seop Choi and Damian Miller. Cubs sign LaTroy Hawkins, Todd Walker, Greg Maddux .

Every single one of those free agent signings paid dividends, especially Maddux. Yes, LaTroy Hawkins became yet another Cubs reliever of lore for being the cause of all things evil in the world (despite an ERA of 2.63). Barrett put up a couple solid hitting seasons (some of those hits being AJ Pierzynski) and worked out nicely. Derrek Lee became the Cubs second-best hitter of the past 6 years, and a hell of a fielder. To contrast, Hee Seop Choi was out of baseball just two years later, never topping a .250 BA. Miller was hitting .230 for the Cubs at the time, and although he put together two OK seasons after that, hit numbers were never as good as Barrett's.

Result: Yet another big win for Hendry.

2004 - Cubs get Nomar Garciaparra and Matt Murton for Alex Gonzalez, Brendan Harris, and Francis Beltran

Harris has managed to cling to life since this trade, and although he has never realized much potential, he's still floating around. Alex Gonzalez never played a full season again and was out of baseball two years later. Beltran tanked for the Expos, and then didn't touch a baseball until 2008 where he picked up a win with the Tigers (and has yet to play since).

In contrast, Garciaparra was still a huge name at the time. Although he was injured both years he was with the Cubs, he hit when he could. Murton had three good years for the Cubs (batting over .280 through 2007). Let's face it boys and girls - no amount of help could save the 2004 season - injuries to EVERY SINGLE CUB made sure of it.

Result: Minor victory for Hendry here. Tough luck that everyone was crippled.

2005 - Cubs deal Sammy Sosa for Jerry Hairston Jr., Mike Fontenot and David Crouthers.

Let's be clear here - Sosa had to go. When you pull one of those "pay me a bajillion dollars but I am going to leave the ballpark in disgust" things, you're gone. It also doesn't help when you're coming off the worst year of your career. Sosa had two meaningless seasons since - one with Texas and one with Baltimore - and never came close to his previous ability.

Fontenot, barring a lousy year in 2009, has been a great Cubs role-player and uber-clutch. Hairston was kind of a bum. He never topped the .260 he hit with the Cubs once in his career.

Result: Small win for Hendry. Nothing like a long term payoff for a washed up money sink.

2006 - Cubs get Jacque Jones and Juan Pierre for Ricky Nolasco, Sergio Mitre, Ranyel Pinto.

Finally, a loss for the Cubs. Nolasco has been pretty solid for Florida, Mitre had a great start to 2006 before injuries, and until this year, Pinto was great news for the Marlins as well. To contrast, Jones and Pierre were universally hated by every Cubs fan on the planet. This, of course, despite the fact that Jones his .285 in two seasons with the Cubs, and that Pierre hit .292 with 58 stolen bases. Of course, both were run out of town. Have I mentioned that Cubs fans are the worst scum of the earth?

Result: Hendry loses this one on reputation alone (although I'm going to say it's a small loss).

2007 - Cubs sign Alfonso Soriano, Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis, and Mark DeRosa

What's that? Despite sinking a bajillion dollars into Soriano (thank the Tribune for that contract), Hendry is able to sign three other big players for the Cubs? I'm not even going to grade this one, but suffice to say this is a great series of moves by Hendry. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Result: Huge win for Hendry

2008 - Cubs sign Kosuke Fukudome

This didn't work out as planned, huh? Never trust the Cubs to sit out a bidding war when the Tribune is willing to put zillions on the line. Unfortunately, this is an obvious loss for Hendry.

Result: Hendry's worst move to date

2009 - Cubs sign Milton Bradey

OK, I lied.

Result: Hendry's REALLY worst move to date. Not his fault that the guy decided to stop hitting, though.

2009 - Cubs trade DeRosa for Jeff Stevens, Chris Archer, and John Gaub

In one of the most fan-reviled moves of all time, beloved Mark DeRosa is sent away for three no-names. Stevens has actually turned out to be a solid bullpen component on an otherwise bullpen-weak team, and Gaub has been tearing up the minors last I looked. DeRosa has never come close to replicating his success on the Cubs since.

Result: Beloved or not, this is a win for Hendry thus far.

2010 - Cubs sign Marlon Byrd

Byrd has been the Cubs' best hitter this year. No ifs, ands, or buts. He's been an absolute monster at the plate and in the field as well. Thanks to Hendry, this guy is on the team.

Result: Thus far, ginormous win for Hendry.


In short, fuck you Cubs fans. Why must you complain about everything, even when it's going well? I hope you DO fire Hendry so you can wind up with some piece of shit like Brian Sabean. Then we'll see who's sorry.

Is this Heat Team Better Than the 96 Bulls (72-10)?

Still The Best Ever?

The Heat officially signed Zydrunas Ilgauskas as the 9th player on the roster, joining Mario Chalmers, Mike Miller, Jamaal Magloire, Joel Anthony, Udonis Haslem and the big three, Bosh, Wade and LeBron.

That team is looking pretty goddamn good right now. Definitely one of the best in the NBA and an obvious title contender. But, is this an all-time great team? It's impossible to say before they've even played a game (let alone a full season) but on paper, we can at least look at some comparisons. I am obviously assuming that the 96 Bulls are the best team ever assembled:

Starters:
Jordan
Pippen
Kukoc
Rodman
Ron Harper
Luc Longley

Bench:

Steve Kerr

Randy Brown

Bill Wennington

Jud Buechler

James Edwards

John Salley

(Simpkins, Haley, Caffey - not on playoff roster)

Let's not match these team up against each other (the Bulls destroy them with Pip on LBJ, Rodman on Bosh and Jordan on Wade) but let's just think about the potential of the roster on paper. The Bulls seem a lot more segmented - each player has his specific role and was excellent at what he did. The Heat are more fluid - which could hypothetically help them fill some of their weaker areas (especially defensively and around the rim).

I think it's fair to say Jordan, Pippen and Rodman are better than LeBron, Wade and Bosh. Jordan is the greatest player to ever play the game and you can't really compare him (or his drive to win) with anyone, especially Wade. Statistically, Pippen is almost identical to LeBron except for points (20p/8r/6a/2s/1b to 27/7/7/2/1). Rodman is the greatest rebounder of all time (and one of the games best defenders). He holds the top two best rebounding seasons ever (over 18/game) and averaged 15 on this 96 Bulls team. Bosh averages 20/10 and we can assume his points will drop on this team while sharing the rock with LBJ and Wade. Rodman was also a much better defender than Bosh, by a lot.

So lets compare the other 2 starters: Kukoc and Longley/Harper to Mike Miller and Chalmers/Ilgauskas. Kukoc is much better than Mike Miller both statistically and in career arc (more reliable, more dynamic and more wins) but it's pretty close. Ilgauskas and Longley are equal (Longley was better defensively and Ilgauskas is better on offense). Ron Harper was sneaky good and certainly more proven than Chalmers at this point.

The remaining guys are mostly a wash - the Bulls had Kerr and Wennington and the Heat have Haslem and a steaming pile of shit.

As a basketball fan, I'm excited to watch the Heat this season. I think they'll lose the Lakers (if they get to the Finals) but they'll be a hell of a show. Even if they do manage to win, barring a Rondo-like surprise season from Chalmers, they won't go down as the best team ever.

Even if they win 6...

-KEG

Cleveland Steamer: a chat with F.A.G

Here is my chat with Fisting Andrew Golatta this morning. It was too good not to share. Not surprisingly, he hasn't been following the LeBron saga, so this is a fresh take:

FAG: whats up, fag nipples?

me: this lebron shit is crazy man

FAG: ???

me: you watch any of this hullabaloo last night?

FAG: how long have you known me? didn't watch it. fill me in
FAG: OK, so i just read it on CNN. what's the big deal?

me: he just took a massive dump on cleveland, on live tv
me: it was funny

FAG: it's not like he's the first to do that. cleveland sucks

me: yeah but this was unprecedented

FAG: to me, it sounds like he agreed to be more of a team player and for less money, in exchange for actually winning something
FAG: can't really fault that

me: he didn't tell cleveland until the announcement.
me: he scheduled himself an hour on ESPN to shit on their face

FAG: hahahaha

me: normally, people just sign and it gets reported
me: he made a national spectacle of telling cleveland to go assfuck themselves


FAG: wait...he got his own hour on ESPN?
FAG: and used it to talk shit?
FAG: this guy is my hero!!!

me: it was insane. He held his own conference, on live tv, to tell his hometown to fuck off. Unprecedented.

FAG: so basically, he made a career move that was self-sacrificing and team-oriented but made that decision in the most asshole way possible

FAG: i love this guy!
FAG: Dude...fuck cleveland. Ohio in general is the anus of America

-KEG

Thank god this shit is over...

I'm a self-absorbed douchebag!

Reinsdorf:
"I respect his decision, but as I've said before, I believe we'll be better than Miami."

"Miami will have three great players, but no center, no point guard and no cap room," Reinsdorf said before the decision. "I think we'll be better if he comes to us, but I think we'll be a great team without him."

Gar Forman:
"I remain convinced that this organization made the strongest of bids to acquire LeBron James during this free agency period," Forman's statement read. "


Those quotes are perfect - the Heat will be fun to watch but all 3 of them will suffer statistically and as a TEAM, they aren't that good. How are they going to stop Dwight Howard? How are they going to stop the Lakers (Pau and Bynum)? Put Artest on LeBron, Kobe on Wade and I think the Lakers win that battle 9 times out of 10.

The Bulls did all they could to get him and he would have made us a better team. I'm sure they offered more money, better chances of winning and anything else they but in the end it didn't matter. He was never really considering Chicago in the first place.

In the end, LeBron's decision wasn't about money. It wasn't about fame or the big stage. It wasn't even about winning. It was about LeBron having fun. I'm convinced they all committed to playing together 2 years ago in the Olympics. The month long audition was just a facade, or maybe just to decide where they would play (but it was always going to be together). In a way, it's the most selfish decision - where will I have the most fun playing? What's going to be the most fun for me? Who do I like playing with?

Bill Simmons said it best: Jordan cared about winning and Kobe about his legacy. Turns out LeBron cares about having a good time more than anything else. I can't say that makes him a bad person but it certainly makes him less of a basketball legend.

-KEG

P.S. Has anyone ever shit all over a city as badly as LeBron just did? I honestly feel bad for the creatures that live in Cleveland. What a shitshow.