Thursday, July 9, 2009

"Bartolo Watch"

Did anyone check Sea World?

Apparently, the largest athlete in baseball has gone missing. Bartolo Colon was supposed to start yesterday but he never showed up and nobody can find him. According to ESPNChicago:

The Knights are the Triple-A affiliate of the Chicago White Sox, and Chicago general manager Ken Williams said Tuesday that Colon was supposed to be in Charlotte preparing for Thursday's start. No one was sure of Colon's whereabouts.

"He never showed up last night," said John Agresti, the Knights' director of media relations. "He's still scheduled to start tonight."

"The 'Bartolo Watch' is going on," Agresti said.

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen joked about Colon on Wednesday.

"I worry about Colon because Colon was a big-time Michael Jackson fan," Guillen told reporters. "He might [watch] the TV and cry all day long. Maybe he is in L.A. at his funeral, because I can't find him. When he gets to Charlotte, Oney [Guillen's son] will call me to say he's there.

"Nobody knows how big of a Jackson fan Colon was. I'm serious. He might be depressed a little bit," Guillen added.

I love Ozzie. Seriously, he's fucking awesome.

On a seperate note, how the hell does Ryan Dumpster, the Cubs stud SP, BREAK his toe jumping over the railing in a game?

Look dad, a uniformed retard!

Haven't baseball players been jumping over the railing for 100 years? Has this ever happened to anyone before? Jesus. Can someone please tell me what it feels like to be a Cubs fan? I imagine it's probably like having your pubes set on fire while you're forced to eat sliders from White Castle while wearing a sealed buttplug.

The TPC says it's worse than that, actually. And he would know



Gepetto said...

The worst part is that I have been subjected to that treatment and I don't even like the Cubs...I just like a little excitement on my weekends.

The TPC said...

while busting my balls scouting future bulls players in poland keggs politley rips on my ass.

Oh im sorry asshole, i guess i will tell all of the polish hotties that i had pose with a dong shrt to give them back.

Keggers said...

I didn't force you to become a Cubs fan, you insufferable sack of crap.

Stop projecting your anger onto me and root for a respectable franchise already.

Oh, and Poland sucks.