Monday, May 4, 2009

In Defense of Hulk Hogan

"Hooooly shit, I'm on so much steroids I can't feel my balls!"
Since his recent interview with Rolling Stone (and the quotes from it that were taken out of context), there has been some serious controversy surrounding the mighty Hulk Hogan. For those of you in the dark, it went kinda like this: Mr. Hogan was asked about his acrimonious divorce and his wife's subsequent hookup with a 19-year-old, and responded with the following:
"I could've turned everything into a crime scene, like O.J., cutting everybody's throat...You see a 19 year old boy driving your Escalade, sleeping in your bed, with your wife. I mean, I totally understand O.J."
This was immediately followed by the sound of feminists, the political correctness crew, and shit-stirrers everywhere muttering:
"Asshole!"
Let me be blunt: anyone who takes offense with this statement is retarded First off, it was obviously intended to be a joke. I thought it was funny. Some of you probably thought it was funny. Shit, Orenthal James Simpson himself probably got a good chuckle out of it on the golf course (while looking for Nicole's real killer, of course).

Also, the operative phrase in that quote is "I could've." As in, "I could've...BUT I FUCKING DIDN'T." Some people seem to have missed that. That whore's lawyers even asked for a restraining order against the Hulkster, just in the event that he tries to do EXACTLY WHAT HE JUST TOLD YOU HE'S NOT GOING TO DO. These douchecocks are taking up valuable courtroom time that could be spent on something more important, like Gepetto's upcoming sodomy trial.
Like Nicole Brown, Linda Hogan seems to live life by the philosophy of "hey, lets see how much I can piss off a large professional athlete with substance abuse problems." If it struck his fancy, Hogan could easily tear her flesh apart like a yellow undershirt. She is lucky that she is fucking with the Hulkster and not O.J. or Mike Tyson. Because then, she would most likely be dead.

And lastly: who can blame the guy? The Hulk is a not a saint by any means -- his cheating ways are well documented, including his current relationship with a chick who looks exactly like his daughter. But his ex has gone out of her way to cut his balls off in public, while spending all of his money as well. Think about what YOU would do. Shit, I've killed several of my exes for far lesser offenses. Not everyone has the stomach to make nice with his ex-wife's new boytoy like Bruce Willis did --although I'm convinced that he's going to throw Ashton and Demi off the Nakatomi Tower any minute now.

End rant. Discuss.

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