Monday, August 25, 2008

History In The Making

Primitive versions of "Test Your Might"

Ladies and gentlemen, we stand on the cusp of what could be the greatest and most rare occurrence in sports history:

It is very possible that both the Yankees AND Red Sox will miss the playoffs.

For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about - go back to Russia. For the rest of you, let's examine what needs to occur for this wondrous occasion:

#1. In order for this to happen, the Wild Card needs to come from the AL Central. Seeing as the White Sox are .5 games back from the lead (currently held by Boston) as of Sunday morning, this doesn't seem too impossible.

#2. Tampa Bay has to win the AL East. They're
about 5 games up on Boston, and have been leading the way all season. Barring a monumental collapse, this seems very likely.

The stakes are high - East Coast cockiness is on full alert since the Pay-tree-uhts shipped the 19-0 hats to Ethiopia, and having their two "sure things" get eliminated from the playoffs would be the finishing blow. I expect the following events to occur if both teams are eliminated:

#1. ESPN's pre-playoffs coverage will focus around the health of Tom Brady, and occasionally point out that each divisional champ is "probably" not much better than the Red Sox. Playoff coverage will almost completely evaporate unless ESPN is covering the game, in which case the announcers will likely committ Seppukku.

#2. Both the Red Sox and Yankees will revert to their old "Win Now" habits of throwing money at their problems. This will continue their losing slide, as they will lose rights to any and all young talent over time.

#3. Joe Girardi will get interviewed daily on what he would have done differently and how he would have guided the Yankees to the postseason.

#4. Best of all, if things start to go sour for the Patriots come October, ESPN will have no choice but to activate Agent Bundchen for one last Brady injury so that they can fill broadcasts with this image (and hopefully write off the season as a "result of a freak accident"):

October can't come soon enough.

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