Monday, August 4, 2008
Cancerous Cubs Sink To New Low
So, I was "watching" the Cubs highlight show this morning - and when I say "watching" I mean "waiting for CSN to announce how many game Carrasco will be suspended for lightly caressing Miguel Olivo the other day - when I came across an interesting coincidence.
A lot of Cubs players are bald all of a sudden.
Chad Gaudin, above, seems to be down to just a goatee. Here are a few other characters who spring to mind:
Soriano (pictured), Reed Johnson (pictured), and others (not pictured) have seemingly lost all of the hair on their heads after a brief losing streak. Most people would call this a "slump-buster" or "team-unifaction-shave-your-head-and-fuck-a-goat" event, but I read deeper into the matter.
The sneaky fuckers have been getting chemotherapy.
How else do you excise the cancer that is the Cubs past, present, and future? Everyone remember's 2003's "Satanic Solidarity" gimmick, and of course, the 2007 "Voodoo Pins for Pinella" gag. Of course, both of those things are fine, because they're bullshit gimmicks that have no proof or function in reality. But chemo? Chemo WORKS! This could be dangerous, boys and girls.