Friday, April 24, 2009

How NOT do win

I died for this shit?

Say - if I want to FOR SURE lose a game, what are the best ways to do it? Well, let's see...for starters, let Jaokim Noah use his unique style of "rebounding." How does he rebound, you ask? Well, start by slapping the ball down on a rebound so that it bounces up AND away from you, ensuring you won't get the ball. It can kill any easy board and give the opposing team a chance to put up a quick jumper while you fumble for the ball.

Well, if that doesn't work for you, there's always the tried and true "All-Bulls" approach of just not getting the goddamned board in the first place. You know, the whole brilliant strategy of jumping at the wrong time, knocking the ball away from your teammates, or just plain fumbling before taking control of the ball.

Of course, if all else fails and you DO manage to get the ball, there's still hope! Just try and move down the court before you have control of the ball, letting it slip out of your hands or making it a really REALLY easy target for a steal.

The Bulls managed to do all three of these things last night, with a vomitous 22 turnovers leading the way to a 107-86 debacle. The Celtics drained threes on us all night, and with Rose and Gordon not getting it done (Rose, 4-14. Gordon, 5-13), this was over before it even began. Rose had an especially off-night with 7 particularly ugly turnovers. The whole "Paul Pierce is destroyer of men" thing didn't help much either.


No comments: