Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Another Lesson In Violence

I thought ranting about non-sports bullshit was my job on this website, but apparently someone decided to close in on my territory. I'm here to return the favor. So........

Chicago Luche Libre Grudge Match of the Somewhat Disliked!!!

Defending Champ: Gepetto, aka "I Can't See my Dick"

Bio: Born on an undisclosed date in the mid-to-late '80s. When attempts at gainful employement failed, he began writing an obscure sports blog. Was last seen dancing the night away in Boys Town.

Interesting Fact: Cries during "Bambi." Gets him every time.

Strengths: Three words = "World Of Warcraft."

Weaknesses: American cheese, older men, writing about the same shit I just wrote about last week.

Wow: Look at those big fat titties.

CHALLENGER: Jeff Smith, aka The Frugal Gourmet

Bio: Born on January 22, 1939. Originally a minister (no shit!), he learned how to cook, and eventually got his own TV show in the '80s. Yeah, I know the guy is not originally from Chicago, but his show really took off when he got here. He is just as much of a local legend type as Svengoolie and those other assholes (Ronnie Woo Woo? For fuck's sake). If you're reading this, you know who he is.

Interesting Fact: In 1998, Smith was accused of sexual assault by two male chefs on his show. Also accused of sexual harassment by several other men, in events dating back to the 1970s. Smith settled out of court, but his show was taken off the air, and his career never recovered. Smith died in 2004 and is probably making fondue in hell right now.

Strengths: Makes a mean stuffed eggplant.

Weaknesses: Younger men.

Wow: This is starting to sound less like a Grudge Match and more like a first date. Jeff Smith, if you're reading this, drop me an email and I'll give you Gepp's phone number. Oh wait...never mind cause you're dead.


Gepetto said...

Wow -- SOMEONE is bitter. Truth be told, I'm amazed you figured out how to do a poll in a post. Been working on that since Sunday?

little_red_cookbook said...

Is there really a loser in this match?

Fisting Andrew Golota said...

Not bitter at all, dude -- just being an asshole, as usual. I thought it was funny.

Oh, and the poll thing took about 30 seconds. You forget that I know HTML code, and have been known to design the occasional website.

The TPC said...

awesome post! Loved the fat little kid, I wish the picture was taken at fiddleland it would've made it all the more realistic.

Fisting Andrew Golota said...

YOu fucking rule!! Fideland is awesome. I wonder if there's pictures of that on the net...

Gepetto said...

I think I'm flattered -- I'm winning in the voting. Hell, I voted for the chef.

Fisting Andrew Golota said...

Awww hell yeeah!!