Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Edinger's New Agent

Excuse me, miss?

Hi there! Couldn't help but notice you try and slam the door in my face, there. I'll just pry this open...there we go. Ah, much better! No more inconvenient protective slab of wood between us now, is there?

Ma'am, do I have the deal of a lifetime for YOU. Tell me, have you seen the other girls on the block? Do they look so smug and happy? I was just at another house on this very block, and they were talking about you. They're braging because they all have a brand new Paul Edinger!


Oh, don't let that worry you, Ma'am! That just how Paul Edinger says he likes you! This is the finest in state-of-the-art convenience! This Paul Edinger is slightly used -- it's just looking for a good home.

You say you don't know what a Paul Edinger does? Well, is that your dog over there? Hey Paul! Pet the nice doggie!

Edinger walks five feet past dog, then quickly turns and kicks dog out the window.'s just a little glitch in the software right now, but did you see the accuracy on that kick? Right through the window! That's no large window, Ma'am -- that's a tiny slat in the wall! And did you see the solid dog-shaped outline Rover left in the window? I'll bet that Spanish terrier is shitting glass enchiladas for weeks!

So whaddya say? Can I interest you in an Edinger?

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