Thursday, February 7, 2008

I Don't Want To Get Off On A Rant Here...

He can't hit a golf ball, but Jordan is a meast with a sniper rifle

If you had the displeasure of watching ESPN suck off Duke, North Carolina and Dick Vitale last night (Oh man. I totally just threw up. Uh oh, here comes some more....) you may have heard that North Carolina power forward/goofy white bitch Tyler Hansbrough passed Michael Jordan for 11th place on the all time UNC scoring list. That may be the only time you ever see Hansbrough's name and MJ in the same sentence. That is, of course, unless it turns out that Hansbrough likes betting or infidelity or child neglecting.

It is a shame though, as there hasn't been a less likeable college basketball star since...well...since UNC's own Sean May. 'Tons o' Fun' somehow managed to thwart the dream of a National Championship from the 2005 Illinois team which featured the likeable threesome of Deron Williams, Dee Brown and Luther Head. Man I miss those guys. You know who doesn't miss them? Bill Self. Fuck you, Bill Self. You took your skills for recruiting and ability to coach up to, but not win the big game to Kansas. Thus leaving us with a group of really talented kids and no one to lead them. Bruce Webber is the Bill Calahan of college basketball. Chump.

But anyway, fuck Tyler Hansbrough. He doesn't deserve to park Jordan's car at the country club. Which is funny, because after his stellar career at UNC is over, that may be as close to the NBA as he is going to get.

Jordan could not be reached for comment.


stalkingerinandrews said...

Self could recruit, yes, but Weber is a much better coach on the floor. Self would have had that '05 team bounced out in the first weekend of the tournament, much like he's done with great teams at Kansas. If he had somehow managed to get past that, he never would have coached the Illini to that miraculous win over Arizona.

Bruce Weber is a classic X's and O's guy who learned from one of the best ever, Gene Keady. Bill Self is a classic charisma guy who could probably recruit his snake into most any girl's pants. He's a good coach, but he never would have even sniffed that championship game. I was as pissed as anyone when he bolted Champaign, but I have since seen the light. If he were Weber's recruiting assistant, then you might see an orange and blue dynasty.

Everybody should go on a rant on this post.

Gepetto said...

If I knew the slightest thing about college basketball (other than that Duke sucks and that Gonzaga is an amusing name), I would totally be all over this.

Unfortunately, that's about the best I can do.

Fuck Duke.

Gepetto said...

And by "Duke Sucks," I mean "Duke is actually good but we are trained to hate them because of their years of dominance."

bloomerang said...

To me, the loss against UNC was pretty simple: Roy Williams did more with Brad Doughterty's players than Bruce Weber did with Bill Self's players. Since then, Kansas has been a perennial top 10 team, while Illinois hasn't been able to recruit kids in wheelchairs; the Gordon fiasco this year is the fucking shining example of this.

Weber had Dee Brown and James Augustin the next year, and loss to a Washington team that had Brandon Roy and not much else. That obviously murdered his recruiting opportunities, and it doesn't help that he sounds like Donald Duck with bronchitis.

The worst part is, I didn't even go to Illinois, but Colorado doesn't have much of a basketball team. Plus fuck UNC. Fuck them in their stupid asses.

stalkingerinandrews said...

Fuck any college team on the east coast, and double fuck Duke.

But I digress. Self is in the top 10 every year because he is a great recruiter, and he can land top talent. But what has he ever done with that talent? Bruce Weber couldn't recruit Hurley from LOST into a Baskin Robbins, but give him Bill Self's talent, and he damn near goes undefeated.

BTW, Brandon Roy is 5 times the player Dee Brown or James Augustine ever will be. Maybe combined. Not that that's an excuse for a loss in a college game, but he's pretty damn good.

Did I mention that I hate Duke, too? I did? Good. Except for Luol. He's OK. When he's not injured.

bloomerang said...

You're right about Self. So was I when I noted that his basketball dong goes limp when he gets into the big game. I think we're in agreement on that one.

I, unfortunately, vividly remember that Washington game. Brandon Roy lit the Illini up, much to my shock as I actually ad delusions they would make a Buffalo Bills-esque return to the title game. The truth is, Weber was able to get it done the year before by skating on the talents of guys he could never recruit. Get Deron Williams out of Texas? Fuck no. He could never do it.

I guess what I'm really saying with all this is fuck Roy Williams. He was the one who started the coaching merry-go-round when he took the UNC job, thus luring Self away to Kansas. And look what happens now. Roy's team beat the Illini, and now his big lumbering lummox has outscored the great MJ.

Fuck you, Roy. I never thought I would say this, but I'm glad you lost to Duke.