Thursday, February 21, 2008

Cubs Continue to Acquire Players for New AAAA Ballclub

I think this just about says it all

In part of a $300 million offseason overhaul (which is being paid for by the morons who agreed to the $300 box seat tickets PER GAME this season), the Cubs figure to be more than just the default winners of the pathetic NL Central. They've upgraded at every position available...but wait, the Cubs aren't done yet! The Cubs apparently have an interest in Coco Crisp of the Boston Red Sox -- you know, the guy who lost his job to Jacoby Ellsbury?

"In the offseason, Crisp said, he heard trade rumors involving Minnesota, Texas and the Cubs."

So...where are they going to play him? Last I checked, the Cubs have a much cheaper version of Coco Crisp in Felix Pie (until they trade him to the Orioles, anyway), and Crisp didn't exactly play well last season in one of the AL's fattest lineups. Then again, as the Cubs offseason motto goes: "Even if you don't have a spot on your team for a major-league player, that doesn't mean you shouldn't acquire them."

That's right: the Cubs are putting together an entirely separate AAAA team and making you pay for it.

Look at their rotation: Zambrano, Lilly, Marquis, Hill, Lieber, Dempster (don't forget, he's being moved into the rotation this year), Marshall, and Angel Guzman. For those of you that lost count, that's EIGHT starting pitchers that are supposed to be vying for five spots. Hell, even the depth chart has seven starting pitchers listed!

The outfield (with the addition of Crisp) would put Pie on the bench along with the perpetually benched Matt Murton -- two guys that can (and should) be playing. Infield? The eventual addition of Brian Roberts pushes Mark DeRosa to the bench (unless he can play shortstop, which pushes Theriot to the bench) along with Cedeno, Fontenot and Ward.

Oh, and the bullpen? Please. Kerry Wood, Howry, Eyre, Marmol and Weurtz were the expected, but how many bullpen guys do you need? The Cubs also have: Ascaino, Pignatiello, Hart, Lahey, Gallagher, and Shingo Takatsu. I don't know about you, but I sure don't bring 11 relievers with me when the season starts.

For those of you keeping score at home:

C: Blanco (OK, the only REAL bench player here)
1B: Ward
2B: DeRosa
SS: Cedeno
3B: Fontenot
LF: Murton
CF: Pie
RF: The Ghost of Jacque Jones / Sam Fuld

SP: Marquis
SP: Marshall
SP: Guzman
SP: Myers (Acquired from Mets for Pagan)
SP: ?
RP: Gallagher
RP: Pignatiello
RP: Ascaino
RP: Hart
RP: Lahey
CL: Takatsu

If the Cubs get Crisp and Roberts, then they're only about four players away from finishing their master plan.

I wonder what they'll call their new AAAA squad...


bloomerang said...

What is this? A Cardinals/Brewers/Reds/Pirates blog? Sheesh.

bloomerang said...

Oh, and if the Cubs sweep the Sox again this year, all of the Sox fans have to take a picture wearing full Cubs regalia for all the world to see. Deal?

Gepetto said...

Funny, we didn't make you guys wear one when we trounced you in 05 and 06.

And we also didn't spend $300 million this offseason.

Details, little man.

bloomerang said...

That's MR. Little Man to you, my friend. There's no retroactive betting here. The shit starts now. (Um, did I just write that?)

Cubs sweep the Sox (again....again) and the Sugar boys make like the Cubs bullpen and suit up. Sox sweep the Cubs, and I guess I'll do it. It won't be nearly as humiliating though, as I have no ill feelings towards the White Sox.

Gepetto said...

That's not a fair bet. You only get one retard in the right uni with you losing the bet, but TWO retards in the wrong unis if YOU win.

Gotta even it up.