Thursday, February 21, 2008

Ben Wallace Will Have To Terrorize LeBron James From Now On

What? You're trading me where?

According to ESPN, the Bulls have sent Big Ben, his fro, and his inability to rebound to Cleveland for Carlos Boozer wannabe Drew Gooden. Wally Sczhkasdjfhlnskjhagnerbiak was involved with the trade also, going to Cleveland.

Gooden is averaging 11 pts and 8 rebounds a game, which is not bad when LeBron is almost averaging a triple double every damn night. Based on numbers alone he looks like a vast improvement over Wallace who averaged a paltry 5 pts a game and not quite 9 boards on 2 less minutes than Gooden. Gooden averages 1 block less per game, but shoots almost 30% better from the charity stripe.

I don't know what this does to the lineup. I don't think Noah is ready to start at center (oh GOD PLEASE START....SO MUCH MATERIAL.....), but Gooden is a forward (at an inch taller than Wallace).

So I guess this is it, Ben. I didn't like having you around in the beginning, you underachieved from the get-go, and I'm glad that you're leaving. I hope you do not deliver the pox on LeBron's house like you did Chicago's.

Ed's Note: Bloomerang jumped the gun hardcore. Actual trade:

Bulls Give: Wallace, Joe Smith, Adrian Griffin
Bulls Get:
Larry Hughes, Drew Gooden, Cedric Simmons and Shannon Brown

The Sonics were also involved in the trade, but no one cares about them since Shawn Kemp stopped dunking over people.

UPDATE: The Bulls also send Joe Smith (Joe, we hardly knew you) to Cleveland, while acquiring underachiever Larry Hughes and reserves Shannon Brown and Cedric Simmons. The Sonics, also involved in the trade, send away Wally World and Delonte West, while getting Adrian Griffin from the Bulls and Ira Newble from the Cavs. Newble, owner of one of the most disgusting contracts in the NBA, is the namesake of the brilliant Ira Newble All Stars.

1 comment:

Gepetto said...

There's also this "Larry Hughes" guy we got, and we didn't give up Duhon at all. We raped them hardcore.