Sunday, February 3, 2008

Another Lesson In Violence

As you might expect, I’m not going to say anything about sports in here. Yeah, the Super Bowl, blah blah…but the Oakland Raiders aren’t in it, so I don’t fucking care. However, this is a Chicago sports site, and so I’d like to say something relating to our fine city.

I'm getting real fuckin' tired of this Oprah Winfrey lady.

Who the hell is still watching this garbage? I’m sure everyone’s pretty familiar with the show, so I’m not gonna get too far into it. Here’s the gist of it: Every day Oprah goes on TV and talks to some other idiot (usually a politician, lesbian, or sometimes both) about how interesting their life is. After that, I’m pretty sure she talks about books, or cooking, or double-ended dildos or something. Then she usually gives away a bunch of stuff to whoever is in the audience that day. Brilliant, right? Basically, it’s the kind of shit that’s only tolerable if you’re home all day and really really bored. Come to think of it, Gepetto probably watches this show.

So, you ask, why the big problem with the O? Is it the fact she has more money than you’ll ever see, and makes sure to shove it up your ass every episode? Could it be because that Stedman guy seems like a complete scumbag? Is it because she mistook one of my friends for a girl during a live taping back in the ‘90s? Or maybe it’s just because The Color Purple really fucking sucked?

Mostly, it’s because I don’t see the big deal. It’s not that hard to get up on a soapbox and talk a bunch of bullshit, and get people to pay attention to you. In fact, that’s exactly what I’m doing right now.

I do appreciate her contributions to charity, however. In fact – a portion of the proceeds from every Luol’s Dong T-shirt sold today will go to charity. Specifically, the “Buy Me More Guitars And Red Meat Memorial Fund.” Order yours today, and feel better about yourself.

It’s what Oprah would want.

1 comment:

Gepetto said...

I smell a Grudge Match coming on...Wednesday.

I was going to save Oprah for later, but now you've forced my hand.