Monday, February 4, 2008

I Think There Was a Game Last Night

XLII was, in fact, shit.

For anyone who missed the Superbowl last night, you didn't miss much. Hell, the best thing to come out of the superbowl (below) wasn't even aired on TV! What good is that?

We're from Chicago -- when ESPN has their soggy dream of Boston vs New York come true in football, odds are we're not going to care. Do we ever care when the Yankees play that pivotal series against the Red Sox about...6 times? No. When we watch the Cubs/Sox games, it's for bragging rights -- Boston/NY is for media rights. It's sickening.

That said, 90% of you non-compulsive gamblers (I won the coin toss yet again!) probably found yourself wishing that you hadn't let all of those "new" Giants fans into your house. The commercials sucked, the game didn't get exciting until the final three minutes, and someone shit a live squirrel. Frankly, I've got to say that we're hitting a sharp decline in our Superbowl enjoyment.

For those of you that are tired of it, I suggest the following things for your 2009 party:

Allegiances Out of a Hat: If you really don't care who wins (or refuse to admit that you're watching the game to see the ever sexy Chase Blackburn) then this is for you. Before the game starts, take a hat and put the two teams into it. Each partygoer picks a team, and then must root for them the remainder of the game. There wasn't a single Pats fan at my party -- not because the Giants were so loved, but because no one wanted the Pats to win. Never again, as one of your partygoes will certainly be killed by a kitchen knife.

Asshole: Slightly more advanced, but still entertaining. Before the game starts, designate the last person to show up as "asshole." Torture them, do whatever you want to them, but you MUST call them asshole. Whenever another team scores, the asshole is allowed to pass his title on to someone else, and the path continues until the end of the game. Nothing gets someone to cheer for both offenses like being told, "hey asshole, I just ate your shoelaces. You'll get them back later."

Fat Fuck: My personal favorite. At halftime (when Tom Petty busts out his one hit song), arrange as many hotdogs/hamburgers as you can in a small area (or whatever easy to count food you're having). Make odds for who can eat the most over the halftime show, and let the games begin. The only thing more fun being the fat glutton who sweats during commercials is being the rich fat glutton who sweats during commercials and who won you $20.

Let's make 2009 a little more exciting than 2008 -- you'll thank me for this list if for some reason we get Dolphins vs Vikings.

Got any other ideas I missed? Post them below!

1 comment:

Joseph said...

there was a game last night and the NEW YORK GIANTS pulled off the upset wasnt it better watching the game last night with a fan of the winning team? this can hold me over for another 11 days till pitchers and catchers report and we get to hear more A-rod and Yankees talk - oh i meant the citywide celebration of the centennial anniversary of the cubs last world series and how the white sox will attempt to finish ahead of the twins and royals.

but for good measure NEW YORK GIANTS SuperBowl XLII Champions does have a nice ring to it too bad i cant be at the canyon of heroes tomorrow what is going to be one hell of a parade